I'm still alive, dammit
Haven’t blogged for some time, and now that I have a bit of time, guess I’ll just do a little update. Apologies if this post seems disjointed but I’m just typing out whatever pops into my head at the moment.
You know the song “I Believe”? Yeah, I just found out it’s by Blessid Union of Souls. That’s “Blessid,” not “Blessed.” You learn something new everyday!
Managed to score an interview with DDB. By all accounts, the interview was a disaster. It seemed everything I said was the wrong thing and frankly he didn’t seem all that interested in what I had to say, sometimes seemingly dismissing my answer even before I could finish it. So it was all the more surprising when he started talking about remuneration and introducing me to others higher up the food chain. And this morning I got a call from them again to arrange for a lunch meeting so I can meet said higher-ups, as well as the prospective partner.
Some reservations abound, as well as a general indecision as to whether I really want to work there or hold out while looking for another place. Granted, I’m not exactly sought-after, so I should take what I can get, but on the other hand I shouldn’t just take the first thing that pops up either (barring, of course, that I really want it for other reasons).
Decisions, decisions.
General feelings of loneliness and abandonment, like a little puppy suddenly waking up to find himself in an open-top cardboard box in the pouring rain at night. Looking up, he sees raindrops cruelly splattering on his face while the pale moonlight makes a half-hearted attempt at illuminating his surroundings. In the distance, far enough away for him to know it’s too far for him to journey, yet close enough to be tantalising and infuriating at the same time, he hears the distant roar of cars, people laughing and other dogs barking; it’s as if fate has seen fit to torment him by dangling hope just slightly out of his paw’s reach.
Maybe I just need a good night’s rest.
I dunno. I just don’t feel I have the support of people and that decisions have to be made to please others rather than myself. That’s total bollocks, I know, and I think you know I’m hardly that kind of type. But yet, right now I don’t want to disappoint, yet I don’t want to do something where I won’t be happy with the decision. Maybe hoping for unconditional support is too much to hope for, and in an odd way, something which I don’t think I would want. No, wait. Let me clarify. Too much to hope for ‘cause everyone has opinions and beliefs that manifest no matter how hard they try to keep it under lid. The only difference is the extent of the manifestation. And I don’t think I want it ‘cause I appreciate and need a different voice and opinion than mine sometimes and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
And yet, I don’t want to have to justify my choices and decisions to everyone and his pet goldfish. But does “gut feeling” have any place in the world of pragmatism and logic, especially when dealing with large-ish issues? When do you say something because you want to, and when do you not say it because you shouldn’t? When does friendship count as much as a friend’s happiness? Where is the line separating a person’s happiness with a person’s wellbeing? And who draws that line?
As much as I would like to subscribe to the maxim of “doing what you want,” I think we all know that’s utter rubbish. Social norms, expectations, etiquette, and just plain ‘ol common sense all have a part to play, and keep the world from spiraling into chaos. Ok, maybe not world, but personal lives and society at large anyway.
And no, don’t ask me who or what I’m referring to. You won’t get an answer. Not because I don’t want to give it, but simply because I cannot. Like I said earlier on, I’m just typing whatever pops into my head at the moment, and it so happens a large part of it is a recurring headache that’s seen fit to stay like a pesky relative that’s outlived his welcome. But that doesn’t in any way mean I don’t feel or think what I’ve typed. I’ve just lost the good grace to be socially and politically correct here and filter my thoughts before penning them down. I mean, hey, that’s what blogs are for, no?
So yeah, I’m not one given to writing posts as hints or innuendoes to an issue which I’m reluctant to discuss directly or anything, so please don’t take it as such.
I do, however, welcome hugs with wild abandonment.
I’m a whore like that.
You know the song “I Believe”? Yeah, I just found out it’s by Blessid Union of Souls. That’s “Blessid,” not “Blessed.” You learn something new everyday!
Managed to score an interview with DDB. By all accounts, the interview was a disaster. It seemed everything I said was the wrong thing and frankly he didn’t seem all that interested in what I had to say, sometimes seemingly dismissing my answer even before I could finish it. So it was all the more surprising when he started talking about remuneration and introducing me to others higher up the food chain. And this morning I got a call from them again to arrange for a lunch meeting so I can meet said higher-ups, as well as the prospective partner.
Some reservations abound, as well as a general indecision as to whether I really want to work there or hold out while looking for another place. Granted, I’m not exactly sought-after, so I should take what I can get, but on the other hand I shouldn’t just take the first thing that pops up either (barring, of course, that I really want it for other reasons).
Decisions, decisions.
General feelings of loneliness and abandonment, like a little puppy suddenly waking up to find himself in an open-top cardboard box in the pouring rain at night. Looking up, he sees raindrops cruelly splattering on his face while the pale moonlight makes a half-hearted attempt at illuminating his surroundings. In the distance, far enough away for him to know it’s too far for him to journey, yet close enough to be tantalising and infuriating at the same time, he hears the distant roar of cars, people laughing and other dogs barking; it’s as if fate has seen fit to torment him by dangling hope just slightly out of his paw’s reach.
Maybe I just need a good night’s rest.
I dunno. I just don’t feel I have the support of people and that decisions have to be made to please others rather than myself. That’s total bollocks, I know, and I think you know I’m hardly that kind of type. But yet, right now I don’t want to disappoint, yet I don’t want to do something where I won’t be happy with the decision. Maybe hoping for unconditional support is too much to hope for, and in an odd way, something which I don’t think I would want. No, wait. Let me clarify. Too much to hope for ‘cause everyone has opinions and beliefs that manifest no matter how hard they try to keep it under lid. The only difference is the extent of the manifestation. And I don’t think I want it ‘cause I appreciate and need a different voice and opinion than mine sometimes and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
And yet, I don’t want to have to justify my choices and decisions to everyone and his pet goldfish. But does “gut feeling” have any place in the world of pragmatism and logic, especially when dealing with large-ish issues? When do you say something because you want to, and when do you not say it because you shouldn’t? When does friendship count as much as a friend’s happiness? Where is the line separating a person’s happiness with a person’s wellbeing? And who draws that line?
As much as I would like to subscribe to the maxim of “doing what you want,” I think we all know that’s utter rubbish. Social norms, expectations, etiquette, and just plain ‘ol common sense all have a part to play, and keep the world from spiraling into chaos. Ok, maybe not world, but personal lives and society at large anyway.
And no, don’t ask me who or what I’m referring to. You won’t get an answer. Not because I don’t want to give it, but simply because I cannot. Like I said earlier on, I’m just typing whatever pops into my head at the moment, and it so happens a large part of it is a recurring headache that’s seen fit to stay like a pesky relative that’s outlived his welcome. But that doesn’t in any way mean I don’t feel or think what I’ve typed. I’ve just lost the good grace to be socially and politically correct here and filter my thoughts before penning them down. I mean, hey, that’s what blogs are for, no?
So yeah, I’m not one given to writing posts as hints or innuendoes to an issue which I’m reluctant to discuss directly or anything, so please don’t take it as such.
I do, however, welcome hugs with wild abandonment.
I’m a whore like that.
